God, is it hot. I am laying on the bed, half-dressed in the path of the fan, and I just dripped SKinny Cow fudge pop on the latest weight-loss memoir I'm reading from the library, Half-Assed* by Jennette Fulda. Whoops! What did I say I would do when I got home? Oh, right, work out with the P90 Sweat DVD. Uh huh. Maybe in an hour. While I'm doing laundry, cooking dinner, and talking to my sister. I think I'd rather read.


*This book is #31 on my 2010 reads list. Still attempting to read 52 books in 52 weeks, but not pressuring myself this year to finish everything I start reading. If it's bad, stop!

Citron progress

I have finished Row 18 of the 5th section. The pattern calls for 5 sections of 20 rows and a border section of 12 rows. I am definitely doing two more sections. I will never wear it if I stop at this size. I know the pattern makes more of a shawlette, but if this thing will never cover my shoulders, I think I would fling it across the room and leave it there. Maybe if I knit every day...I'll be done before the snow flies! Two more sections is 40 more rows, and these are biiiig rows that get over 600 stitches across. Eeep!

I also want to pick up a project from last fall - a wedding gift of a cabled pillow for my sister that I lost momentum on as the wedding drew closer. I figure if I can finish it by her 1 year anniversary then I'm in the clear. And I think that switching from working on my lace weight Citron to a worsted weight project will make the rows fly by! If you happen to look at the project in Ravelry, I have more knit than shows on the project page. Honestly I do! I just haven't updated the photo. Which I will do. Tonight. Really.

Citron frustration

I was poking around on Ravelry looking at finished Citron shawls, and found poofus73's citron. She said it ended up looking like a tiny tea towel! That's exactly what I'm worried about. I am from healthy German stock and have the proportions to prove it. I don't want a big floppy shawl thing, but I also don't want to end up with a tea towel that I spent 6 months making (at this point) that doesn't look good and I won't wear out of the house. The shawl model on Knitty looks quite tiny and I can't see how that same size shawl on me will even come over my shoulders. I've now knit to the point where I am halfway done with the 5th and final section. Then there is a ruffle edge section which is 12 rows. I can sort of try it on now, but I certainly can't hold it AND see where it falls, let alone take a photo. I think there might have to be some photos taken at my knitting group tonight.

When I bought the yarn to make this shawl I bought two skeins of Malabrigo lace, planning on making it doubly big. I just don't want it TOO big. And I know it will stretch out a bit. Relax. Settle in to it's shape. So I don't want to go wild and add too many extra sections. I've seen some pictures of this shawl with anywhere from 5-9 sections. The thing is, in most of the photos, the shawl is laid out flat and NOT shown on a person. How do I know how big it turns out if people don't photograph themselves wearing it???

Hopefully photo of 5 full repeats to follow soon.

Taking a breath

Sleep has been hard to come by for the past few weeks. A combination of reluctance to head towards rest time, mental and physical distractions including endless self improvement, impossible perfection standards, and a midnight visit from a bat have kept me from getting more than 5 hours of sleep at a stretch. I am tired exhausted. I am starting to resemble an after image. I have not been able to quiet my mind because I haven't taken the time for myself to make it possible.

I've managed to read a lot of books during this time, but my knitting has suffered a great deal - mainly becuase I don't trust myself to knit when I'm tired and not drop stitches, make mistakes, or switch directions in the middle of a row, as I did during my knitting group a few weeks ago!

Starting to practice yoga more, even if it's for 5 minutes. It helps me center and quiet my mind, this ambitious beast clamoring to outdo Wonder Woman by sheer volume of accomplishments. I end up with a pile of started projects, but nothing to show for my spinning wheels. I know what to do, I just need to think I am valuable enough to take care of and spend the time. 

Last week I read this on PlanetYoga:

"Waking up this morning, I smile, 24 brand new hours are before me. I vow to live fully in each moment and to look at all beings with the eyes of compassion."-Thich Nhat Hanh

Meditation for today: sit comfortably tall, close your eyes, listen softly to your normal breath. Smile.